Well, I'm not really sure how this whole blog will end up since I've decided to not bother organizing my thoughts (thanks, Mike) on this one. I'm just going to wing it, so bear with me!
I've been thinking A LOT recently about the topic I'm about to address, so I guess I just want to express some of those thoughts.
First, I think that trust is one of the most important properties in a relationship--whether it's a friendly or romantic one--and I believe that if you don't have trust, you don't have a relationship that's even worth having.
Promises are included in this trust. If you trust someone, you'll believe them when they make a promise, vow, or commitment. What happens when the TRUST is broken? What happens when PROMISES are broken? What about when another aspect of your relationship is violated--does that impact trust as well?
Suppose a friend/boyfriend/etc. violated your trust in some way one time. You expressed your distaste for such behavior/actions/etc you experienced with this person. They apologized; you forgave. They asked for another chance; you granted it.
But WHAT IF they do it again? Second chance is blown. They apologize more. You forgive more, but less enthusiastically than the first time. They ask for yet another chance, and you feel inclined to give one to them because you don't want to end such a great relationship(friendship/romantic relationship) over something you think they couldn't POSSIBLY do again. 3rd chance=check! Things are back to normal, trust is back, and everything is fine and dandy again. :)
Okay, but they hurt you a fourth time. Now what?? A fourth chance? Suppose you've forgiven them (as the Bible suggests you should!) and you're not even mad anymore. However, you just can't trust them anymore. You feel completely betrayed and disrespected. You don't know what to think. You don't know how to feel or maybe how to act towards the person anymore. Perhaps you don't even feel excitement or even just general comfort talking to them. Well, how would you handle that? Would this be the point in your friendship/relationship at which you need to go your separate ways? Are you just two conflicting lives that don't mesh as well as you had initially hoped?
I guess I don't really have a conclusion to this blog. Usually I offer some sort of hope or insight, but I think I'd rather hear all of your input! Care to share?
Tell me what you're thinking after reading.
Have you been experiencing something similar?
Maybe someone you know has been going through such a predicament?
Any profound or inspirational thoughts on your mind?
How many chances are too many?
Share anything. I haven't intended my blogs to be strictly my own thoughts. I love discussion!
My solution? Live in Rowetopia where no other people are allowed...then you don't have to worry about this stuff.
ReplyDeleteVery interesting ideas, and a very common problem I think. This has actually inspired me a bit to write on a scripture reference you may have thought of.
ReplyDeleteI have to say though, if you've given that many chances, (and considering more chances) you're already doing better than a lot of people. I'll expand in my post, but perhaps there is a point where, even after forgiving, we cannot forget? Then again.. oh boy.. nvm, I need a lot of room to say all this lol.
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ReplyDeleteWell, there is the alternative of cloning yourself and having your clone live out out that friendship and then, go with Anjoli's answer, and then eat popcorn chicken for the rest of your life! And Aurielle, I guess it also depends upon how serious the item that you were giving them trust for was. Like if it was a lollipop compared to a llama. The lollipop surely isn't as sentimental as the llama, but I guess if they kept on apologizing for the same stuff over and over, it might not be good, no matter the situation. If it was you telling someone a deep dark secret, that you bestowed that trust on that person, and they totally ripped the carpet from under you, it would hurt. Then if they repeatedly do it, you become numb to it, and then you should look at the friendship and see if it's even worth it.
ReplyDeleteI agree with Canaan in the sense of it definitely depends on the situation, the type of friendship. Going back to telling a secret, if the person you confided in told someone your secret then after you forgive them (no matter how difficult it is) you wouldn't be wise in giving them another chance so that they can go ahead and blow another secret of yours.
ReplyDeleteBut if we get in to a committed relationship, say a marriage, and your spouse was dishonest then I believe that its something that the couple will need to workout, i am 100% against divorce (unless your getting abused or something) and i don't want to say keep, keep forgiving until you become numb to it, but if the person continues to do it and ask for forgiveness well there is evidence of a huge problem and some serious issues to be worked out, maybe some separation will be good in a situation like that.
But lets say your in a committed relationship, but this time its a boyfriend/girlfriend or fiancee, despite that fact that this is a 'committed' relationship it is completely different from a marriage and at any moment you can leave. If this person (boyfriend/girlfriend/fiancee) continues to violate your trust then something needs to be done, because I know we get so caught up in..... i love them so much, the thought of leaving them is........ but if you continue to stay in that relationship, despite the continual red flags then your allowing yourself to get caught up in the love of being in a relationship which will fade once you get married and your trust in this person continues to get broken.
I strongly believe God as a plan for everyones life, and if we trust in Him and lean on Him then He will lead us to the person He desires for us. Remember God knows us better than we know ourselves.
I know this was long lol but i guess i had a lot to say ;)
Thanks Krystal! Your input was thorough and very appreciated :)
ReplyDeleteCanaan, I greatly appreciate your thoughts as well! You always brighten situations (i.e. bringing lollipops into play). :)